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From Patriot Humor
Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts
Friday, October 7, 2011
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Friday, June 3, 2011
U.K. Counters Terrorists by Redirecting Them to U.S. Cupcake Recipes
After they were all prepped and ready to start making bombs in moms kitchen... I wonder How many Al Qaida Rejects have followed the directions and made cupcakes now, or better yet how many have bookmarked the cupcake website.
Foxnews
LONDON -- Would-be terrorists searching the Internet for tips on how to build bombs were instead taught how to bake the perfect cupcake after an intervention by British intelligence, London's The Daily Telegraph reported Thursday.
Intelligence agency MI6 launched the cyber operation against jihadi magazine, Inspire, in an attempt to hamper attempts by Al Qaeda in the Arabian Peninsular (AQAP) to attract "lone wolf" terrorists.
Surfers trying to download the English-language magazine's "Make a bomb in the Kitchen of your Mom" feature were instead redirected to a site boasting recipes for "The Best Cupcakes in America."
The baking site, which is published by "The Ellen DeGeneres Show," promises treats for "today's sweet-toothed hipsters" including the mojito cupcake, made using white rum and vanilla buttercream.
The 67-page Inspire contains instructions on how to make rudimentary pipe bombs using sugar, match heads and a miniature lightbulb.
Foxnews
LONDON -- Would-be terrorists searching the Internet for tips on how to build bombs were instead taught how to bake the perfect cupcake after an intervention by British intelligence, London's The Daily Telegraph reported Thursday.
Intelligence agency MI6 launched the cyber operation against jihadi magazine, Inspire, in an attempt to hamper attempts by Al Qaeda in the Arabian Peninsular (AQAP) to attract "lone wolf" terrorists.
Surfers trying to download the English-language magazine's "Make a bomb in the Kitchen of your Mom" feature were instead redirected to a site boasting recipes for "The Best Cupcakes in America."
The baking site, which is published by "The Ellen DeGeneres Show," promises treats for "today's sweet-toothed hipsters" including the mojito cupcake, made using white rum and vanilla buttercream.
The 67-page Inspire contains instructions on how to make rudimentary pipe bombs using sugar, match heads and a miniature lightbulb.
Friday, April 1, 2011
3-Year-Old Asks Cops if They 'Found His Mom's Weed'
Foxnews
Talk about a 'pot'-ty mouth.
Police officers in Austin, Texas, say they were questioning a woman about some outstanding warrants when she began acting suspicious -- eventually prompting her 3-year-old son to ask if they had “found his mom’s weed,” MyFoxAustin.com reports.
The officers became suspicious when the woman, Johnisha Terry, 22, grabbed at her feet. Terry was pulled out of the vehicle in which she was riding, and one officer noticed scattered marijuana around the seat’s floorboard, according to an affidavit.
As police searched the vehicle, the boy started to chat with the officers and eventually asked them if they found his mom’s weed, according to the report.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Breadman.
And I thought all the Riots were over the High cost of Food.
I think this Guy was going for the Berzerker effect, You know the "don't fucking mess with me because I'm a crazed lunatic that will tear your ass apart"
Maybe he was trying to get a new Puppy to play with him, No , They don't like dogs.
Either wat that is alot of fatty meat to put on a sandwich.
I think this Guy was going for the Berzerker effect, You know the "don't fucking mess with me because I'm a crazed lunatic that will tear your ass apart"
Maybe he was trying to get a new Puppy to play with him, No , They don't like dogs.
Either wat that is alot of fatty meat to put on a sandwich.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Polygamist Pummeled by Wives for Planning Fifth Marriage
Too Damn Funny.
It did not turn out so good for this guy two Weeks ago. Weasel Zippers
AOL news
Ishaq was reportedly attending a friend's wedding reception with his third wife when his first two spouses, identified as Mehvish and Uzma, arrived with a score to settle, according to The Telegraph.
The wives showed up with relatives and reportedly began overturning tables and threatening Ishaq's life, then attacked their husband with their shoes until police hauled them away.
Uzma told the press that her husband deserved to be beaten.
"We know that he is trying to marry a fifth time, and he should be publicly humiliated for his behavior," she reportedly stated.
But Ishaq says the number of his wives has been greatly exaggerated -- adding that his first two wives have filed for divorce and are trying to force him to sell his home. He called their accusations "a blatant lie."
It did not turn out so good for this guy two Weeks ago. Weasel Zippers
AOL news
Ishaq was reportedly attending a friend's wedding reception with his third wife when his first two spouses, identified as Mehvish and Uzma, arrived with a score to settle, according to The Telegraph.
The wives showed up with relatives and reportedly began overturning tables and threatening Ishaq's life, then attacked their husband with their shoes until police hauled them away.
Uzma told the press that her husband deserved to be beaten.
"We know that he is trying to marry a fifth time, and he should be publicly humiliated for his behavior," she reportedly stated.
But Ishaq says the number of his wives has been greatly exaggerated -- adding that his first two wives have filed for divorce and are trying to force him to sell his home. He called their accusations "a blatant lie."
Monday, January 3, 2011
Iran says shot down two spy planes in Gulf
"Many spy planes and ultra-modern aircrafts of our enemies have been shot down (by our forces) ... We have also shot down two spy planes in the Persian Gulf,"
"But it is the first time we are announcing it."
Yeah Right! Iran always shoots drones down and never says anything about it.
Show us the drones Bitches.
(Reuters) - Iran has shot down two unmanned western reconnaissance drone aircraft in the Gulf, a senior Revolutionary Guards commander was quoted as saying by the semi-official Fars news agency on Sunday.
"Many spy planes and ultra-modern aircrafts of our enemies have been shot down (by our forces) ... We have also shot down two spy planes in the Persian Gulf," said commander Amir Ali Hajizadeh, head of the elite forces' aerospace unit.
"But it is the first time we are announcing it."
He did not say when the aircraft had been shot down, but described them as "western drone reconnaissance" aircraft.
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Headline of the Day.
Obama Is Set to Shuffle His Staff
Michele must be Pissed at him?
But seriously, it don't get much funnier than that.
NY Times
WASHINGTON — President Obama is planning the first major reorganization of his administration, preparing to shuffle several positions in the West Wing as he tries to fortify his political team for the realities of divided government and his own re-election.
The president is studying how to maximize the power of the executive branch, advisers said, seeking insight from veterans of previous administrations and fresh advice from business leaders to guide the second half of his term.
He is reviewing the restructuring plan during the holidays, aides said, and intends to make the first announcements in the opening days of January.
Michele must be Pissed at him?
But seriously, it don't get much funnier than that.
NY Times
WASHINGTON — President Obama is planning the first major reorganization of his administration, preparing to shuffle several positions in the West Wing as he tries to fortify his political team for the realities of divided government and his own re-election.
The president is studying how to maximize the power of the executive branch, advisers said, seeking insight from veterans of previous administrations and fresh advice from business leaders to guide the second half of his term.
He is reviewing the restructuring plan during the holidays, aides said, and intends to make the first announcements in the opening days of January.
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Finger-Flipping Crosswalk Sign Fixed
Hilarious.(NSFW)
Foxnews
There's "Walk," "Don't Walk" and "Say WHAT!?!?"
A “Don’t Walk” signal at a crosswalk in Spokane, Wash., sent a most impolite message to pedestrians on Wednesday, "flipping the bird" at people waiting on the corner until the city got around to fixing it.
The electronic sign's raised hand, the universal signal to stop, was working fine. But it was missing some fingers -- two on the left and one on the right -- leaving the middle digit proudly standing alone.
....
Foxnews
There's "Walk," "Don't Walk" and "Say WHAT!?!?"
A “Don’t Walk” signal at a crosswalk in Spokane, Wash., sent a most impolite message to pedestrians on Wednesday, "flipping the bird" at people waiting on the corner until the city got around to fixing it.
The electronic sign's raised hand, the universal signal to stop, was working fine. But it was missing some fingers -- two on the left and one on the right -- leaving the middle digit proudly standing alone.
....
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
'Four Lions' Film Tries to Prove Terrorists Can Be Funny
A Funny Terrorist movie?
Foxnews
Terrorism is certainly not a light nor a laughable issue, but that doesn't mean you can't make a comedy about it.
At least that's what British filmmaker Chris Morris hopes.
He has created four fictitious jihadists for the big screen in the uber-black, slapstick comedy “Four Lions,” centered on their idiotic attempts to execute an attack.
Among the antics, the buffoons pathetically attempt to make bombs, convince a dim-witted neighbor they are a band, sing “Toploader” on their mission, and struggle to string together a sentence without cracking up during the making of their martyrdom videos.
While Morris managed to take the sensitive issue of “homegrown terrorists” and make it shockingly farcical and funny, he never actually set out to court controversy, but rather to portray the ridiculousness embedded in the world of extremism.
“I was reading about a serious subject, but kept finding things that were very silly. For example, there were some guys in Yemen that wanted to blow up a U.S. warship with an exploding boat; they got to the quayside at 3 in the morning. They put their launch in the water and filled it with explosives and it sank," Morris told Pop Tarts. “Then there were these Canadians that wanted to assassinate the Canadian Prime Minister, but forgot his name.”
Foxnews
Terrorism is certainly not a light nor a laughable issue, but that doesn't mean you can't make a comedy about it.
At least that's what British filmmaker Chris Morris hopes.
He has created four fictitious jihadists for the big screen in the uber-black, slapstick comedy “Four Lions,” centered on their idiotic attempts to execute an attack.
Among the antics, the buffoons pathetically attempt to make bombs, convince a dim-witted neighbor they are a band, sing “Toploader” on their mission, and struggle to string together a sentence without cracking up during the making of their martyrdom videos.
While Morris managed to take the sensitive issue of “homegrown terrorists” and make it shockingly farcical and funny, he never actually set out to court controversy, but rather to portray the ridiculousness embedded in the world of extremism.
“I was reading about a serious subject, but kept finding things that were very silly. For example, there were some guys in Yemen that wanted to blow up a U.S. warship with an exploding boat; they got to the quayside at 3 in the morning. They put their launch in the water and filled it with explosives and it sank," Morris told Pop Tarts. “Then there were these Canadians that wanted to assassinate the Canadian Prime Minister, but forgot his name.”
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Promised economic reforms get under way in communist Cuba; 500,000 state workers to lose jobs
HA HA !
Well there you go , another communist country going bust .
Poor Fidel what is he to do ?
Oh well lay off 500,000 workers yeah that will do the trick .
Just a thought though , do you think that Obama and his Assclowns that subscribe to his socialist views will take notice ? or do you think they will just try to come up with a slightly different tactic to still support Communist/socialist views ?
And what are the Hollywood elite to do about their beloved Comrade and his communist country ? I smell a Fundraiser or a Charity being born !
Foznews
HAVANA – HAVANA (AP) — The big economic changes Cuba's communist leaders have been promising for years appear finally to be happening in earnest — and they will be hard.
Cuba on Monday said it is laying off nearly half a million workers, an eye-popping figure in any country, but especially in a nation where the government so totally dominates the economy.
The shift would mean that one-tenth of the island's 5.1 million-strong work force will be looking for jobs in the private sector by April 2011, a drastic change that could mean a radically altered economic outlook, especially for Cubans in their 20s and 30s who have known nothing but a paternalistic communist system ushered in by Fidel Castro in his 1959 revolution.....
Well there you go , another communist country going bust .
Poor Fidel what is he to do ?
Oh well lay off 500,000 workers yeah that will do the trick .
Just a thought though , do you think that Obama and his Assclowns that subscribe to his socialist views will take notice ? or do you think they will just try to come up with a slightly different tactic to still support Communist/socialist views ?
And what are the Hollywood elite to do about their beloved Comrade and his communist country ? I smell a Fundraiser or a Charity being born !
Foznews
HAVANA – HAVANA (AP) — The big economic changes Cuba's communist leaders have been promising for years appear finally to be happening in earnest — and they will be hard.
Cuba on Monday said it is laying off nearly half a million workers, an eye-popping figure in any country, but especially in a nation where the government so totally dominates the economy.
The shift would mean that one-tenth of the island's 5.1 million-strong work force will be looking for jobs in the private sector by April 2011, a drastic change that could mean a radically altered economic outlook, especially for Cubans in their 20s and 30s who have known nothing but a paternalistic communist system ushered in by Fidel Castro in his 1959 revolution.....
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Sweden reopens Wikileaks founder rape investigation
Even if these accusations are false it is pretty funny , just the thought of this Douche squirming in his loafers is Priceless.
BBC
A senior Swedish prosecutor has ordered the reopening of a rape investigation into Wikileaks founder Julian Assange.
Public Prosecutions Director Marianne Ny said there was "reason to believe a crime has been committed" and the crime was classified as rape.
Last week prosecutors cancelled an arrest warrant for Mr Assange on accusations of rape and molestation, saying he was no longer suspected.
BBC
A senior Swedish prosecutor has ordered the reopening of a rape investigation into Wikileaks founder Julian Assange.
Public Prosecutions Director Marianne Ny said there was "reason to believe a crime has been committed" and the crime was classified as rape.
Last week prosecutors cancelled an arrest warrant for Mr Assange on accusations of rape and molestation, saying he was no longer suspected.
Monday, August 16, 2010
Woman hits Senate Armed Services chairman with pie
Could not have happened to a better Asshole !
Washington post
BIG RAPIDS, Mich. -- Michigan authorities have filed felony stalking charges against a woman they say hit U.S. Sen. Carl Levin in the face with an apple pie during a meeting with constituents in northern Michigan.
Big Rapids police arrested 22-year-old Ahlam M. Mohsen of Coldwater on the charge, as well as misdemeanor assault and disorderly conduct charges.
Levin is chairman of the Senate Armed Services Committee, and Mohsen told the Big Rapids Pioneer she hoped "to send a message that liberals and Democrats are just as implicated" in war as Republicans.
Police base the stalking charge on Mohsen's arrest during a 2009 protest against Levin.
Police say a man who read a statement before Mohsen hit Levin and a woman who videotaped the attack also could face charges.
Washington post
BIG RAPIDS, Mich. -- Michigan authorities have filed felony stalking charges against a woman they say hit U.S. Sen. Carl Levin in the face with an apple pie during a meeting with constituents in northern Michigan.
Big Rapids police arrested 22-year-old Ahlam M. Mohsen of Coldwater on the charge, as well as misdemeanor assault and disorderly conduct charges.
Levin is chairman of the Senate Armed Services Committee, and Mohsen told the Big Rapids Pioneer she hoped "to send a message that liberals and Democrats are just as implicated" in war as Republicans.
Police base the stalking charge on Mohsen's arrest during a 2009 protest against Levin.
Police say a man who read a statement before Mohsen hit Levin and a woman who videotaped the attack also could face charges.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Clarke upsets Kilpatrick as family dynasty ends
A new start for Michigan ?
Maybe , There is still a few Bad seeds to get rid of before Michigan stands a chance at surviving .
Gov Granholm will be going away , that is also a good sign , hopefully the Corruption and stupidity of Michigan Politics goes with her and Kilpatrick .
Maybe , There is still a few Bad seeds to get rid of before Michigan stands a chance at surviving .
Gov Granholm will be going away , that is also a good sign , hopefully the Corruption and stupidity of Michigan Politics goes with her and Kilpatrick .
....
Freep.com
State Sen. Hansen Clarke staged a stunning upset victory Tuesday night over seven-term Congresswoman Carolyn Cheeks Kilpatrick.
With 53% of the overall district results in, Clarke had a 48-39% lead over the incumbent, who was first elected to Congress in 1996.
A subdued crowd at Kilpatrick's election night party at the Doubletree Fort Shelby in downtown Detroit waited for the final numbers to roll in, hoping that absentee ballots in Detroit might reverse the trend.
"You don't start dancing," said Kilpatrick supporter Sharon McPhail, a former Detroit city councilwoman. "You have to wait for the absentees."
At Clarke's party at the Centaur Bar in Detroit, the crowd cheered as Clarke greeted supporters. He said the election was a reflection of the power of the people of Michigan.
"This was bigger than an opponent and not about the incumbent or a family," Clarke said. "For decades, people have run for office to serve themselves, their family and not the people of the city. You must be mindful that elected officials come and go, but people, not politicians, always have the power."
Iran's President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad survives 'assassination attempt'
What ? Somebody in Iran does not like their fearless leader ! What a shocker.
Telegraph UK
Al Arabiya television said an attacker threw a bomb at Mr Ahmadinejad's convoy before being detained.
A home-made bomb exploded near the convoy, a source from the president's office told Reuters, but Mr Ahmadinejad, who was travelling from an airport in the western city of Hamadan to give a speech in a sports arena, was unharmed.
One person had been arrested, the Iranian source said.
The website khabaronline.ir reported that the president's car was about 100 yards away from the site of the blast.
The website said it had no information about whether other people were injured.
"The explosion caused a lot of smoke," it said.
However, an official from Mr Ahmadinejad's media office told AFP that the president's motorcade had not been attacked by a grenade. The explosion was from a firecracker, he said.
Telegraph UK
Al Arabiya television said an attacker threw a bomb at Mr Ahmadinejad's convoy before being detained.
A home-made bomb exploded near the convoy, a source from the president's office told Reuters, but Mr Ahmadinejad, who was travelling from an airport in the western city of Hamadan to give a speech in a sports arena, was unharmed.
One person had been arrested, the Iranian source said.
The website khabaronline.ir reported that the president's car was about 100 yards away from the site of the blast.
The website said it had no information about whether other people were injured.
"The explosion caused a lot of smoke," it said.
However, an official from Mr Ahmadinejad's media office told AFP that the president's motorcade had not been attacked by a grenade. The explosion was from a firecracker, he said.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
When Donkeys Fly !
WTF ? Whoever thought that this was a good Idea , was seriously Impaired at the time .
The Donkey is O.K. But the Kids that saw it are Traumatized !
Foxnews
MOSCOW — Authorities in Russia are opening an animal cruelty probe into a weekend stunt on a beach in southern Russia in which a donkey parasailed high over the surf.
Amateur video footage showed men attaching a parasail harness to the trembling mule. The English-language Kremlin news channel Russia Today reported that sunbathers were distressed at the sight of the flying donkey, which brayed in fear as it glided above the bay for half an hour.
Russia Today reported the donkey was shell-shocked but survived.
Reports said the donkey flight was a promotional stunt. Employees of a leisure firm in the village of Golubitskaya on the Azov Sea could face two years in prison if they are charged and convicted of animal cruelty.
The Donkey is O.K. But the Kids that saw it are Traumatized !
Foxnews
MOSCOW — Authorities in Russia are opening an animal cruelty probe into a weekend stunt on a beach in southern Russia in which a donkey parasailed high over the surf.
Amateur video footage showed men attaching a parasail harness to the trembling mule. The English-language Kremlin news channel Russia Today reported that sunbathers were distressed at the sight of the flying donkey, which brayed in fear as it glided above the bay for half an hour.
Russia Today reported the donkey was shell-shocked but survived.
Reports said the donkey flight was a promotional stunt. Employees of a leisure firm in the village of Golubitskaya on the Azov Sea could face two years in prison if they are charged and convicted of animal cruelty.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Just a Thought .
Sad But ...
Patriot Humor
Bordering on Insanity ,
If you cross the North Korean border illegally you get 12 years hard labor.
If you cross the Iranian border illegally you are detained indefinitely.
If you cross the Afghan border illegally, you get shot.
If you cross the Saudi Arabian border illegally you will be jailed.
If you cross the Chinese border illegally you may never be heard from again.
If you cross the Venezuelan border illegally you will be branded a spy and your fate will be sealed.
If you cross the Cuban border illegally you will be thrown into political prison to rot.
If you cross the U.S. border illegally you get:
* a job,
* a drivers license,
* social security card,
* welfare,
* food stamps,
* credit cards,
* subsidized rent or a loan to buy a house,
* free education,
* free health care,
* a lobbyist in washington
* billions of dollars worth of public documents printed in your language
* the right to carry your country's flag while you protest that you don't get enough respect
* and, in many instances, you can vote.
Patriot Humor
Bordering on Insanity ,
If you cross the North Korean border illegally you get 12 years hard labor.
If you cross the Iranian border illegally you are detained indefinitely.
If you cross the Afghan border illegally, you get shot.
If you cross the Saudi Arabian border illegally you will be jailed.
If you cross the Chinese border illegally you may never be heard from again.
If you cross the Venezuelan border illegally you will be branded a spy and your fate will be sealed.
If you cross the Cuban border illegally you will be thrown into political prison to rot.
If you cross the U.S. border illegally you get:
* a job,
* a drivers license,
* social security card,
* welfare,
* food stamps,
* credit cards,
* subsidized rent or a loan to buy a house,
* free education,
* free health care,
* a lobbyist in washington
* billions of dollars worth of public documents printed in your language
* the right to carry your country's flag while you protest that you don't get enough respect
* and, in many instances, you can vote.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Air America Radio Closing, Filing for Bankruptcy
Ha Ha Ha Ha , oh man , is this Hilarious !
Besides the fact that Al Franken is one extremely huge Douche , Air America was doomed from the Start .
Who wants to listen to a couple of libtards tell everyone how stupid they are and that they have the answer for us , and they will show us how , even if we don't like it ! NO One Wants to here whiny ass bitches on the radio !
abcNews
Air America Radio, a progressive radio network that once aired commentary from Al Franken and Rachel Maddow, said Thursday it is shutting down immediately.
The company founded in April 2004 said it ceased airing new programs Thursday afternoon and will soon file to be liquidated under Chapter 7 bankruptcy. It began broadcasting reruns of programs and would end those as well Monday night.
Air America said 10 consecutive quarters of declining ad revenue and the difficulty of making money on the Internet contributed to its financial woes.
"The very difficult economic environment has had a significant impact on Air America's business. This past year has seen a `perfect storm' in the media industry generally," the company said in a statement on its Web site.
Economics ? O.K. I will give them that , but 10 Consecutive quarters of decline , sounds to me like the station and it's programming / Agenda , just plain sucked !
The network had some 100 radio outlets nationwide.
Franken, a Democrat, hosted his own show from 2004 to 2007 before going on to become a U.S. senator from Minnesota last year after a close election. Maddow went on to host her own TV show on MSNBC.
Besides the fact that Al Franken is one extremely huge Douche , Air America was doomed from the Start .
Who wants to listen to a couple of libtards tell everyone how stupid they are and that they have the answer for us , and they will show us how , even if we don't like it ! NO One Wants to here whiny ass bitches on the radio !
abcNews
Air America Radio, a progressive radio network that once aired commentary from Al Franken and Rachel Maddow, said Thursday it is shutting down immediately.
The company founded in April 2004 said it ceased airing new programs Thursday afternoon and will soon file to be liquidated under Chapter 7 bankruptcy. It began broadcasting reruns of programs and would end those as well Monday night.
Air America said 10 consecutive quarters of declining ad revenue and the difficulty of making money on the Internet contributed to its financial woes.
"The very difficult economic environment has had a significant impact on Air America's business. This past year has seen a `perfect storm' in the media industry generally," the company said in a statement on its Web site.
Economics ? O.K. I will give them that , but 10 Consecutive quarters of decline , sounds to me like the station and it's programming / Agenda , just plain sucked !
The network had some 100 radio outlets nationwide.
Franken, a Democrat, hosted his own show from 2004 to 2007 before going on to become a U.S. senator from Minnesota last year after a close election. Maddow went on to host her own TV show on MSNBC.
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